


Push

by StormyBear30



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), American Idol RPF, Kris Allen (Musician)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-02
Updated: 2011-09-02
Packaged: 2017-10-23 08:58:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/248547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StormyBear30/pseuds/StormyBear30
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adam keeps pushing Kris away.  Kris has no idea why.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Push

"I don't know what the he'll your problem is Adam but. I'm more then a little sick of the silent treatment you've been giving me all night" Kris grumbled as he sat next to his lover, not understanding the dirty looks he was shooting his way or why he hadn't spoken a word to him since they had left the restaurant. They had been enjoying a quiet dinner together when out of the blue Adam stopped talking to him, shooting dirty looks at the waiter each time he came to the table. "Are you freaking kidding me?” He cried out when he figured out why Adam had stopped speaking to him. "You're jealous over the damn waiter?"

“Jealous…why should I be jealous” Adam finally exploded, jerking himself off of the couch before pacing madly back and forth in front of Kris. “I mean I’ve been on tour for the last six months and in that amount of time I’ve only been able to see you three times. I was so excited to come home and spend some time with my boyfriend and instead of enjoying that time I got to watch you sit in front of me and flirt with the waiter”

“Are you out of your mind” Kris cried out in equal fever. “I didn’t flirt with the waiter. He asked me for my autograph and we talked about the fact that he’s from Conway too. I don’t know what you saw but that isn’t anywhere close to flirting. You know Adam I really hate it when you get like this. I’m sorry that we didn’t get to see each other a lot this tour and you have to know that I hated it just as much as you did”

“Yeah I could tell” Adam returned gruffly, stopping his pacing for a moment to glare at Kris before taking it up again. “Don’t think I didn’t notice you getting his phone number either” He stopped again, shooting another glare before storming out of the room.

“I got his phone number because he’s a struggling artist trying to make it out here and I thought that I could help him” Kris cried out after him.

“You didn’t think I would notice the way he was looking at you. He was practically fucking you with his eyes” Adam shot out, rushing back into the living room.

“You’re right Adam. You figured me out. I took his number because I want to fuck a twenty-something waiter. I mean why wouldn’t I when I get treated like this?” Kris screamed loudly, finally having enough of Adam’s shit. “I fucking hate it when you get like this because there is no reason for it and I don’t deserve it. We’ve been together for two years and in all of that time I’ve never once given you any reason not to trust me. You seem to forget that you’re the one constantly shoving your tongue down your bassist’s throat every night but I’ve never said anything because I trust you and I know that you do it to get a rise out of the crowd, but seriously if you think about it if anyone should be jealous it should be me”

“This is completely different and you know it” Adam countered angrily.

“You’re right…it is different” Kris replied, getting up off of the couch. “It’s different because its you and you can do whatever you want and I’m just supposed to sit back and take it. I’ve never given you any reason not to trust me” He repeated his earlier words, too pissed off and hurt to even care anyone. “I’ve been in love with you for a long time Adam and I’ve sat back and listened to your jealousy issues and never said a word, but tonight was the last straw. I’m done. I can’t sit back and take this abuse anymore” He turned and walked away, grabbing his keys and wallet off of the hallway table.

“What the fuck do you think you’re going?” Adam rushed out, running after him.

“I don’t know” Kris shot back, jerking his arm out of the hold Adam had placed on it. “Maybe I’ll call the waiter and ask him to meet me somewhere or maybe I’ll go to one of the clubs you always force me to go to and pick up some random stranger to fuck. Hell…maybe I’ll just go down to Hollywood Boulevard and pick up a hooker. The possibilities are endless”

“I don’t think you’re funny Kris” Adam growled, grabbing onto Kris’s arm again as he attempted to drag him down the hallway towards their bedroom. “Let’s go to bed…I’m tired and over this shit already”

“I’m tired too” Kris jerked him arm away once again. “I’m tired of you starting shit and then turning it around and blaming me. I’m tired of you acting like a psycho and then making me feel guilty because of it. I’m just fucking tired of you” He screamed, not meaning the words in the least, but slightly enjoying the sharp intake of breath and the look of shock on Adam’s face. “I’m out of here…don’t wait up” He grinned wickedly over his shoulder before storming out the front door, slamming it loudly behind him.

“Out of all the places you could go you really decided to come here?” Tommy asked as he opened the door to his apartment and found his best friends lover standing in front of him.

“This is the one place that he wouldn’t expect me to show up at” Kris shrugged, already knowing that Adam had called and complained to Tommy about what had happened between them earlier. “Although I know he’s already called you and bitched about what a horrible, cheating person I am”

“He didn’t say anything about cheating, but he might have gone on and on and one about a certain someone flirting in front of him and so on and so on” Was Tommy’s flippant remark as he opened the door wider rolling his eyes as Kris walked past him. “I kind of tuned him out after the first few minutes. Do you want a beer?” He hollered over his shoulder as he closed the door and headed for the kitchen, handing one to Kris anyway when he had declined. “You may need it”

“I didn’t even do anything and he just lost it. I know he’s your friend and you know that I love him but I’m just so sick of this shit. I can’t even look at man or a woman without him accusing me of flirting with them” Kris rushed out, downing half the bottle of beer as Tommy watched him intently. “You know if anyone should be jealous it should be me. He’s got millions of woman and men head over heels in love with him and he flirts with them constantly during the shows and when we meet them on the street. You’ve kissed him more then I have this year and I’m his fucking boyfriend. I should be jealous of that but I’m not because I trust him and…”

“And I’m straight” Tommy finished for him, blushing a little at the annoyed look he received from the man sitting across from him.

“I know you and Adam have hooked up a few times before he and I started dating” Kris glared at him, annoyed that Tommy was still trying to cling to the notion of being straight when it was a well known secret among their friends and family that for a short time during their first tour the two had hooked up from time to time.

“It was just fucking Kris. It didn’t mean anything to either of us because neither of us were looking for more then that” He explained with a shrug of his shoulders before taking a draw from his own beer bottle.

“I know and it never once crossed my mind to be jealous because I trust both of you” Closing his eyes he took in a deep breath, finishing off the bottle before setting it down on the coffee table in front of them. “I can’t deal with this anymore. It’s been two years and nothing has changed. In fact, it’s only gotten worse. It hurts me so badly when he accuses me of flirting with other people because it just goes to prove that he doesn’t trust me”

“Oh it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with what an insecure bastard he is” Tommy grumbled, getting up and going back into the kitchen for two more beers.

“I don’t know what that means” Kris said in confusion as he took the bottle handed to him.

“He doesn’t think that he deserves you so he’s reading into everything more then he should” Tommy tried to explain, the look of confusion still on Kris’s face telling him that he had done it wrong. “He doesn’t understand why you left everything you had, the perfect wife, living in the perfect house with the perfect dog to be with him. He thinks that you downgraded yourself when you left them and decide to be with him”

“Downgraded…that’s the dumbest thing I have every heard in my life” Kris cried out, nearly knocking the beer to the floor as he jumped up off of the couch.

“His words man…not mine” Tommy held his hands up in surrender before taking a drink of his own beer.

“You’ve talked about this before?” Kris asked, his frustration growing even more at the nod he received from the blonde man. “He knows better then anyone that my life was far from perfect when I was married to Katy” He threw himself down on the couch beside Tommy again, draining his second bottle before snagging Tommy’s and drinking his as well. “We tried to make it work but you can’t force something like a marriage to work when one of those people loves someone else. I loved him in private for a long time before I couldn’t keep it a secret anymore. I left my marriage because I couldn’t stand to live another day without him knowing how much I loved him. We talked about it for months after my divorce because he wanted to make sure that I was truly ready to be in a relationship with him…to be with a man. I tell him every fucking day either face to face or by phone if one of us is out on the road just how much I love him and yet he’s still doesn’t believe me. If that’s the case Tommy then what the hell can I do to prove to him that it’s true?”

“I honestly don’t know Kris” Tommy replied truthfully because there was no doubt by anyone that looked at Kris whenever they were together that he wasn't head over heels in love with the man. “He loves you but he’s worried you may get a clue or something one day and leave his stupid ass”

“I can’t deal with this right now” He sighed, feeling light headed as he leaned further into the couch. “Can I crash here tonight?” He asked looking over at Tommy. “I’ll be out of your hair in the morning”

“Does that mean that you’re going home to talk to Adam in the morning?” Tommy asked, not liking the look he saw on Kris’s face.

“I don’t know. I think that I just need to do some thinking and then I can talk to him” Kris replied softly, closing his eyes in hopes of keeping the tears threatening to fall away.

“Don’t give up on him Kris because it won’t only kill him if you leave him, it will kill you as well” Kris knew Tommy was speaking words of wisdom, but he didn’t want to think about it anymore as he pulled a blanket off of the back of the couch, wrapped it around his body before snuggling into the couch.

“Please don’t call him and tell him that I’m here. I just can’t be around him right now” Kris said to Tommy’s retreating figure. “I know it puts you in a situation, but please just give me tonight”

“He’s going crazy looking for you. I won’t lie to him if he calls me and asks if I know where you are, but I’ll make sure that he gives you the space you need. Night Kris” Tommy said with a nod as he turned out the lights surrounding them.

‘Night Tommy” Kris replied, closing his eyes and praying for sleep despite the fact that he knew he should be trying to figure out what to do about Adam.

Kris knew Adam was in the room before he even opened his eyes. He inhaled deeply the familiar scent of his cologne while pretending to still be asleep. “I know you’re awake” Adam confirmed his presence as he opened his eyes and saw the disheveled man sitting on the coffee table in front of him.

“How long have you been sitting there?” He asked, knowing it had been awhile at the grimace of pain he saw flicker across Adam’s face as he got up from the table. “Did Tommy called you?” He asked next when he didn’t get a response.

“I called him last night and he told me that you were here but I wasn’t allowed to come over until you were ready to talk. I never heard from you so I let myself in with the key he gave me” Adam finally responded.

“Is he still sleeping?”

“No…I sent him out to get coffee”

“How much did it cost you because I don’t think I’ve ever seen him up before noon since I’ve known him?” Kris laughed, but it sounded fake and shaky as he sat up and ignored the way Adam was looking at him.

“Are we going to talk about this?” Adam asked, fighting the urge to pace back and forth because it was something he always did when he was upset and nervous, but he knew it bugged Kris to no end when he did it.

“I don’t know what you want me to say. You were the one that was angry. You were the won that was accusing me of things that I didn’t do and now you want me to what take the blame and apologize?” Kris asked, his voice growing louder and louder.

“I don’t want you to apologize” Adam replied softly. “This was all my fault…they’re always my fault” He went on, sitting down next to the man that he loved, wringing his hands nervously. “Tommy told me what you both talked about last night” He sighed, hating that Kris knew his secret, but kind of grateful at the same time.

“I can’t believe you feel that way” Kris said, wanting to reach out and hug the man who looked as if he were about to cry but also punch him at the same time for being so stupid. “I don’t understand. You don’t think that you worthy enough to be with me…which is fucking stupid by the way” He rushed out. “Yet…you accuse me of flirting with everything that has a pulse and push me away like it’s the easiest thing to do. I don’t understand that anger you throw at me each time it happens and that fact that you ignore me instead of talking to me. We can’t go on like this Adam. I won’t go on like this. I love you with everything that I am and if that’s not enough for you then let me go. I can see you’re hurting but you have to know that I’m hurting too every time this happens because I don’t where it’s coming from and I don’t know how to fix it”

“It’s just easier to keep you at arms length and wait for the day that you smarten up and see that I’m really not Adam Lambert glam superstar, but just Adam Lambert the regular guy who plays a role” Adam admitted, trying to read Kris’s face as he looked over at him.

“You seem to forget that I met the regular Adam first” Kris reminded him, thinking back to the first days during Idol when he had met the man who had stolen his heart with just one brilliant and amazing smile. “He was the one who kept me sane as I tried to deal with the craziness of being away from home for the first time. He was the one that stood by my side and kept me from losing my mind when the pressure from Idol started to get to be too much. He was the one that I confided in when my marriage which seemed to be perfect and glossy on the outside, in reality was an ugly mess. He was the one that I fell in love with and continued to love for nearly three years before I finally got some balls and ended the marriage that was slowly killing me. He’s the man that I still love and want to spend the rest of my life with. I love glam Adam too because he’s part of you, but I’ve always know that he wasn’t the real you. If you’d stop pushing me away long enough you’d see that I love everything about you, including the idiot parts” He grinned sadly, tears misting his eyes. “You have to stop pushing me away and acting this way because it hurts me and I can’t deal with it anymore. Adam…I know you love me”

“I do…I do love you” Adam spoke up, tears in his eyes as well.

“Then stop pushing me away and hold me…hold me and promise that you’ll never let me go” The tears finally slide from under his lids as he reached out and took one of Adam’s hands. Laughing and crying mixed together when he was pulled into Adam’s arms instead, the very breath squeezed from his lungs at the force of it.

“I promise…I promise” He cried out, one arm holding Kris in place against his body, the other guiding the smaller mans head forward as he kissed him breathless. “I love you…love you so much Kris” He murmured between kisses, his tears mingling with Kris’s as they laid cheek to cheek once breathing was eminent. “Can you ever forgive me for hurting you the way that I did?” He questioned softly, closing his eyes because he was afraid of what he would find staring back at him if he looked into Kris’s eyes.

“If you can promise me that you’ll stop being an idiot and let me love you for the rest of our lives then I can forgive you” Kris pulled back enough to let Adam see the truth and the love in his eyes before leaning down to kiss him breathless once again.

“I promise” Adam whispered, throwing a prayer of thanks out into the universe for the man with the kind heart who still, despite his flaws and stupidity love him fully.

“Congratulations…I’m happy for the two of you…now get the fuck out” They both heard Tommy say as they looked towards the doorway and found him standing sleepily before them. “Go home and fuck until you can’t fuck anymore” He drawled as he stumbled past them, turning and looking at them in annoyance when they didn’t seem to be moving fast enough.

“That sounds like a great idea” Kris beamed at his lover as he climbed off of his lap.

“A brilliant idea” Adam concurred, getting up and taking the hand Kris offered out to him.

“Thanks Tommy” Adam said.

“Yeah man…thanks for everything” Kris added, both of them giggling when all they got was a slam of the bedroom door as a response. “He loves us” Kris snorted with a huge smile on his face.

“I love you” Adam said, leaning down and kissing him softly as if to prove it.

“I love you too” Kris returned, his heart feeling so full of love that he felt it might burst.

“Go the fuck home or I will throw both of your loving asses out into the street” They heard Tommy yell, but they could hear the smile in his voice as they kissed one last time before leaving the man to his privacy.

The End…


End file.
